<3

2008-09-06T20:20:00.000+08:00

i've decided to switch to wordpress.
yeap.
tinylittlebits.wordpress.com

cool huh.

2008-09-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours.

i've just finish watching 'A walk to remember'.
gosh the story is so beautiful.
it's so sad.
and, the first time i listened to the song cry by mandy moore,
i could feel the sadness.
it's so, .. sad?

the guy, who was the 'cool' kid in school, started falling for her,a girl who was kinda dorky but pretty, and he graudually changed for the better. and he married her. after the wedding, they spent their last summer together and that was it. the songs are so, i don't know how to decribe it. you could actually feel the pain, and the love. and yeah, wonderfully beautiful.

only hope
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
And laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yoursI pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Cry
I'll Always Remember
It Was Late Afternoon
It Lasted Forever
And Ended Too Soon
You Were All By Yourself
Staring Up At A Dark Gray Sky
I Was Changed

In Places No One Would Find
All Your Feelings So Deep Inside Deep Inside
It Was Then That I Realized
That Forever Was In Your Eyes
The Moment I Saw You Cry

The Moment That I Saw You Cry

It Was Late In September
And I've Seen You Before And
You Were You Were Always The Cold One
But I Was Never That Sure
You Were All By Yourself
Staring At A Dark Gray Sky
I Was Changed

In Places No One Would Find
All Your Feelings So Deep Inside Deep Inside
It Was Then That I Realized
That Forever Was In Your Eyes
The Moment I Saw You Cry

I Wanted To Hold You
I Wanted To Make It Go Away
I Wanted To Know You
I Wanted To Make Your Everything All Right

I'll Always Remember
It Was Late Afternoon
In Places No One Would Find In Places

No One Would Find
All Your Feelings So Deep Inside Deep Inside
It Was Then That I Realized
That Forever Was In Your Eyes
The Moment I Saw You Cry

2008-08-30T08:20:00.000+08:00

SURVIVOR TRAINING CAMP!

these pictures of hwee may and darryl were taken on the last day of camp.
they were suppose to entertain us until the buses came to pick us up.
we were singing, '' Cannibal king''
and some compassvale girl told us to get ''stuck'' at the ah-ru-mua-mua part.
haha. it was awesome.

these were taken at PU jetty

this, whilst on our way to PU.
in the boat

this, on the last day at PU jetty

second day in camp afer everyone tied plaits.

and this, on the last day of camp.

i guess i'm suppose to be at training,
but if i did go, i would return to a topsy turvy home with both my siblings still quarreling. ?
it's annoying that you sound like me.
yesterday's olympics run was AWESOME!
3 ENDURANCE GOT FIRST!
and we also won some citation thingy.
so we got like $30 plus voucher from popular.
cool.

after every round, people came back with lips so pale and legs like jelly?
hahah.
i know mine was.
i screamed and cheered like it was no one's business even though i felt faint and not to mention, HUNGRY!!
yeap,

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine,
you make me happy when skies are gray.
you never know dear,
how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.

gosh, end of years are like one month away.
i'm a nervous wreck!
i'm gonna study hard.
it's not gonna be like the last when i did it last minute.
when i tried to burn the midnight oil.
i think i was stupid to think that i could do it with a week of full practice.
nope, it's not possible. unless you don't mind failing.
this time it's gonna be different.
i'm gonna prove that i can study.
and that i CAN pass Amath!
i can do it; and i will!

"i settle things with my fist"
sorry,but if you think that is super cool then good luck to you.
it only turns certain people off.
i can't stand guys like that.

Miss Mary Rajadurai
-a very religious woman

dear lord, i pray that you will protect her and grant her the strength and courage she needs.
most of her family members have past away due to some sickness.
now, her mom. i pray that You will watch over her and be by her side through this difficult time.
i ask all of this through Christ our Lord.
Amen

There is none like you

There is none like You,
No one else can touch my heart like You do.
I could search for all eternity long and find
There is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide,
And healing comes from Your hands.
Suffering children are safe in Your arms,
There is none like You

2008-08-25T19:28:00.000+08:00

OH EM GEE!

what if he thinks i'm stalking him ?!
gosh no.
i'm not.
but it's such a coincidence that we met.
first at compass.
then the same bus.
next the same church. ?!
when i was at the platform area thingy, you were there!
when i went to macs just now, you were there too.
see! i didn't stalk you.

when i went to take something at the counter, all your friends turned.
and i saw your eye.
and i saw their eye.
they kept looking. or or starring.
gosh

2008-08-24T14:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARRYL & BERNARD!

i just got home from camp in PU.
wow.
those last 3 days practically flew by.
campfire was fun.
so was the treasure hunt.
but the jetty jump got cancelled thanks to the rain.
but the wet weather activities sucked.
not all sucked but most of it did.
and this particular person from a particular school was so annoying.
she said that SJC girls were weird.
she said i acted ''big'' when i was only trying to help complete the game.
and she's got soo much to complain about but doesn't do anything at all.
she doesn't start cheers.
she doesn't contribute to group discussions.
she just sits there and laugh and talk to her --ss friend.
when SJC lead the cheer, she doesn't follow and gives that why-are-you-guys-so-extra face.
if i can slap her, i swear i will.
but because i'm gracious (: i chose to forgive.
Plus, SJC got nothing to lose out to --ss.
so yeah. We soar ABOVE the REST.

celestine's design for our squad and unit tee is really one-of-a-kind.
really good job yeah.

the camp overall was fun.
although some games were like ( dot dot dot)
and DT wasn't that bad.
although he is still kinda of an asshole like last year, but i guess he has changed for the better? hopefully.

we got to bath.
AMAZING.
it's considered lucky if you actually can get to even rinse yourself let alone soap your hair.
but we got to.
i happily soaped my hair. :D

group performance-

(stomp stomp clap)
(stomp stomp clap)
(stomp stomp clap)
(stomp stomp clap)
G to the R to the ACIOUS be GRACIOUS!
(stomp stomp clap)
(stomp stomp clap)
(stomp stomp clap)
we will we will squash you like a hamji peng.
never ever rise again
roti prata roti prata Burn ah Burn ah Burn till chaotah!

this little guy called halimi or something like that was so cute and funny.
the SJCians in group 3&4 could not stop laughing.
however, he left on the day of campfire.
just hours before.
sad case yeah?
he was uber cute. ( right FATIMA?)
haha

and then there was this guy, who looked sec 4 but wasn't one.
he looked like - and omg. so cute.
yes it's retarded i know but really.
he looked really like -
the hair
the face
the way he walk
the way he acts
omg like a replica of -
but he's only sec 2. haha
but really cute and tall.

so now we know why the previous sec 3 were so enthu even after camp.
first it was very slack.
plus, it was their last camp.
so they wanted to treasure the moments they had left.

it was really a waste for those who ''could'' not come.
even though it is the 7th month, no one saw ghosts or died.
cool huh.

IJ IJ (clap clap)

npcc is fun after all.

2008-08-17T12:56:00.001+08:00

help me wish my grandson and grand-daughter a happy birthday ... just in case.
those are the words my grandfather said yesterday to my dad.

he knows when is his time.
i'm sure he can feel it too.
i can't ask the Lord for anything at this moment.
i'm not worthy.
i don't deserve it.
i won't even ask to prolong his life; i've got no right to.
all i can pray for is that my grandfather leaves this earth a happy man.
Lord, in your name i pray to thee.

Lord God, please let him s

2008-08-16T19:33:00.000+08:00

To Kill a Mocking bird

the play was alright.
pretty boring.
but funny.

WHY HAVEN'T IT COME?
damn.

camp is like, in 6 more days.
so many people are not going because it's the 7th month
i even agreed to ''borrow'' my Church's' crucifix with Christ on it. hahaha
but it's gonna be interesting; i know.
i hope there will be more gentlemen at camp.
so we girls don't have to carry everything else.

Post-camp to-do list:

-drink lots of water
-eat cartons of watermelon if i still do not have _
-NO sweets
-bathe as many times as possible :D

there's this little cute underwear purse.
haha; i'm gonna get it.
it's so adorable(:
or, i shall hint my mum since my birthday is around the corner :D

MAYBE I'M NOT READY.

do not be afraid i am with you.
i have called you each by name

oh, there's this cute guy i saw the other day at compass.
and we took the same bus.
so on the bus, i was msging bestfriend, telling her how cute he is and yeah.
when i went to church, guess who i saw?
him!
haha; fate.
but he's only like cute and all.
that's about it.

Would you like some green eggs and ham?
yes, sure, thanks.

i hate going to church.
everytime i go, there's ALWAYS problems.
without fail.
all sorts of stupid ridiculous problems.
haunting of some really embarrassing moments,
of some heart breaking moments too.
it's not His fault.
duh, it'll never be.
i'm ALWAYS destracted in church.
unknowingly, i'll think of all those times
and when i'm not in church, i don't feel the way i do when i'm there.
and, not in a good way too.

sigh.
sigh.
sigh.

what am i to do to be happy?

2008-08-14T12:21:00.000+08:00

Skipped school today
cause i gotta take care of my sister?
lame shit, i know.
my brother's turn to skip school tomorrow.
i hope they're still in one piece when i return home.
laughs

why can't i have it now?!
there's nothing wrong with it.
i have it every other time in every month since i was 11.
why can't it be NOW?
let's go through the pros and cons shall we?

pros;
-i'll feel less uncomfortable
-i won't be so moody
-i won't have to be embarrassed if i -
-no 'preetty lady' will come after me
-i won't be feeling so disgusted all the time
-i won't have to complain
-i can do anything freely

cons;
-i'll be moody
-i'll feel really uncomfortable
-i won't have to be embarrassed cause - won't happen
-what if the 'preetty lady' comes after me?
-i will be feeling all gross the whole time there at ubin
-i will complain
-i can't do anything freely

see!
that just proves that i should have - now.
please please please god, let me have - before camp(:

no matter how we try to escape into our little world of perfectness, we always get pulled back by reality.

2008-08-14T11:51:00.000+08:00

Let my heart be changed, renewed.

yes, let me be changed; renewed.
i gotta do something.
i think i found the reason why i feel lost.
it's because i've drifted from you.
i'm sorry,
this is probably the best time to have a YISS thingy but thanks to lit, i can't go.

the weaknesses i see in me will be stripped away by the power of your love.

All For Love
- Hillsong United

All for love the Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angels song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

2008-08-14T11:41:00.000+08:00

you are mine
-David Haas

I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near
I am hope for all who are hopeless
I am eyes for all who long to see
In the shadows of the night,I will be your light
Come and rest in Me

Chorus:
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

I am strength for all the despairing
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free
And all will know My name

Chorus:
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

I am the Word that leads all to freedom
I am the peace the world cannot give
I will call your name, embracing all your pain
Stand up, now, walk, and live

Chorus:
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine

2008-08-13T21:48:00.000+08:00

And two loving arms never out of reach

Gosh, vampire-romance can be SOO addictive.
golly jeepers.
i don't like reading comics however, vampire knight shall be an exception.
the story is pretty cool.
oh, i wonder if the hino person could draw a little faster cause like, i don't like being kept in suspense.
yeapyeap.

i feel lost.
like something is missing.
but what is it?

i hope the shirt can b done by next week.
what's with the whole changing this and that?
tell me how to standardize the names and i'll do it ?!
like, hello?
not everyone's name are the same.
what? should i go apply for a tan or a lim?
if you put everyone's surname infront, for the chinese surnames, it won't sound that weird.
but mine would.
and the name-on-the-sleeve was our idea.
why can't we only have that.
why must everyone else have it?
and why do we keep changing?
just stick to the original plan and everything would be done by atc.
this is so annoying.

today sucks.
why can't they just shut the hell up?

2008-08-08T10:16:00.000+08:00

gawd !
i need to eat.
I'm hungry.

something bad is gonna happen.
i don't know what is but I'm pretty sure it will happen.
school? life? church?
WHAT?

damn.

i feel so distant from god now.
i just don't have the i-really-wanna-go-to-church feeling anymore.
i wonder where it went.
and because it's gone, I've been cussing alot these few days.
like, a LOT.

camp,
happy? sad? excited? angry?
I'm not sure how i feel.
it's kinda weird yeah.

yesterday i was cussing about how guys are this,this,this and this.
and the next minute, i see the quite-hot-guy that i saw the other time
and we're like - him.
it's kinda weird actually.
I'm pretty much freaked out with myself then Raychel is with me.
it's like my emotions has a mind of its own.
i can be really pissed one moment and happy the next, then pissed again.
it's freaking the hell out of me.
but i can't seem to find out the source of this problem =/
was it the book that i was reading? was it - ? or was it simply cause i was tired?
all of that could be a possibility.

2008-08-08T08:50:00.000+08:00

i can't stand it.

i hate reading and watching things that had an ending to it.

now that i'm done with the book, i feel so empty.

like there's nothing else i could do.

i was telling my mum yesterday about the story and stopped halfway crying.

The story was coming to an end.

it felt like yesterday when she just entered Forks, and now she's married to Edward and with a child. The way she loves him and he loves her is just something you definately don't see everyday.

why does it all have to end?

2008-08-07T09:26:00.000+08:00

i'm fucking pissed off with the fucking computer.
after sitting my ass on this chair for almost an hour ranting on the things i was ranting on, the screen went blank and my post is gone.
now i'm more pissed than before.
fuck!

2008-08-07T08:29:00.000+08:00

nothing's gonna change my love for you
Medeiros Glenn

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

CHORUS:
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead a way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

this song reminds me of edward.
cause it's almost like what he said to Bella and Bella to him.
gawd,

2008-08-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

A day of rest is not enough. That's why I'm taking two (:

gosh, I'm really dead tired.
well not that tired but tired enough to fall asleep during my paper and like randomly picked an answer.
i really really tired.
so, I'm skipping school tomorrow (:
the initial plan was to get my hair rebonded but i guess it's not gonna happen so..
yeah, that means a day alone at home.
I'll be all alone.
ALL ALONE!
shit, maybe I'll like sneak out or something.
but i really wanna get my hair rebonded dammit!

i finished my English compo, something i thought would be impossible for the really worn out me.
but i did anyway. (:

I've got the book! breaking dawn.
gaaawwd! it's so nice(:
but i don't like it that Stephanie Myer ain't that descriptive. haha.
maybe cause I'm just a sick sick minded person. giggles.
but like, getting pregnant? a vampire baby? Jacob imprinting on reneesme?
no! not the ideal story i wanted to read about.
and I'm kinda sad cause Edward is taken, married ):
hahaha kidding, I'm sure Raychel will be telling me the next time she sees me to STOP IT.
haha got it.

i read the chapter on Jacob and it totally affected my mood the whole day.
and maybe because i had cramps.
but mostly because of him.
i pity him. and somehow, tears manage to escape from my eyes.
sniffles,
it must be hard for him. Edward too. ):

i guess i'll just stop here cause i've got no mood to go on.
i really wanna cry.
see! i'm so emotional.
so i guess it'll be easy to force out a tear so that JUST-IN-CASE raychel and i aren't in the same group. * wink.

Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

2008-08-02T19:40:00.000+08:00

you are the most important thing to me now.
the most important thing to me ever.
if only you were made for me.
i wouldn't mind eternal damnation (:

THANKS LOADS!
i knew i was too nice to be hated. haha.
my dumb brother was dumb enough to leave the evidence on the computer.
HOW LAME CAN YOU GET?!
AND I'M TELLING MUMMY!

anyway, today was ok i guess.
loads of ants, spiders and yeah. creepy crawlies.
ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.

if leaving is the right thing to do,then i'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you. to keep you safe.
aww.. i cried reading this part.

WHY IS POPULAR SO SO!!!! ANNOYING!
breaking dawn is out!
popular is so annoying!
kinokuniya is already selling the book!
ANNOYING ANNOYING!

oh, we saw monkeys today(:
and they were effing.
OMG! how interesting can lessons get?
hahaha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LENNARD!
so Marie and i got Lennard a chocolate which melted terribly!
oh my, but i like the picture Mario drew.
super cool. cool stuff like me(:

I HAVE A PIMPLE THAT IS SO ANNOYING I WANNA RIP IT OFF!
annoying stuff.

In conclusion, the tag was the main cause of Denise's irritation however, other factors like her pimple and Popular not having the book breaking dawn, worsen the already-bad situation.
Social Studies much?

what if i'm not a superhero?
what if i was the bad guy?
you could be the badest bad guy, but i'll still go gaga over you(:

2008-08-01T20:26:00.000+08:00

waste of time

gosh, i'm really tired.
it's been tiring studying and all.
but the good thing was that even though i didn't study for Chinese, i passed it.
and the stuff that i studied for geog, came out.
how else grateful to the lord can i get?
i just had that feeling to study that part of the chapter.
i've still got my science and math papers. sigh.
but the good thing is that breaking dawn is out. (:

training was ok i guess but really tiring.
i guess i don't always get my way so any colour should be fine.
just as long as it's not neon colours or black.

ok, get this clear, i do not like babyface.i just feel that he's very gentlemanly.
after reading twilight, i think i'm gonna wait for someone like Edward.
someone who will dazzle me the way he does.
though i feeel that i need one now, the fact is, i don't.
crushes i will have, but most probably not another one.
waste of time.

omg, i can't stand it!
even though the guy playing Edward isn't hot, but his character is just so omg.
the way he fights for her.
the way he protects her.
the way he looks at her.
the way he holds her.
the way he kisses her.the way he dazzles her.
the way he does everything.
gosh, HOT STUFF i swear.
i really really can't stand it. !
if only god made guys like that.

yes,it gets freaky that you like someone who is not at all a human being.
but how can i help it if he is, to me,everything i ever wanted?
gosh, i really really hope to meet omeone like that.
even if he was a vampire.
at least he'll be a really hot one(:

2008-07-29T20:05:00.000+08:00

do i dazzle you?

i feel sick.
duh, cause i am? (physically)
by hook or by crook, i'm gonna recover before atc.
no cough or fever is gonna ruin my fun. (:

so, for area 7 games day, my school left serangoon sec as the overall champion.
cool huh?

as usual, telematch got first.
and yeah we had to.
we were against sec ones and twos?
haha, quite cute.
but i loved squashing the watermelon part.
damn sick but really cool. haha
and i went up to go receive the prize and it was soooo.. yeah.
they took a picture and i smiled and i don't know if i looked retarded or not.
but the fact that it was in front of all the schools, omg.

we also won tug-o-war.
seriously, it was funny to the core.
not really but yeah, haha
it was all girls on one side and north vista boys and 1 girl on the other.
and we won them just by 3 pulls.
the first guys' face was so funny and cute.
he was shocked.
like wow? girls against guys but we won instead.
quite embarrassing yeah?
but he was pretty hot. (:
and he looked just like him.
now that was freaky.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOLEEN!
while we were trying to complete Joleen's birthday card, we saw our atc groupmates.
and at the end of the whole thing, Raychel and i and some other friends went to the toilet.
when we came out, Samuel was helping his friend to ask someone for her number and at that time there was only Raychel and i.
i think that he was asking Raychel while she feels that they're asking me.
so it's rather retarded.
and we've got new crushes! (:
Raychel have hers while i have mine. duh?
haha. but mine ain't a real person ):

so Raychel and i were talking about some really really corny stuff.
stuff like any high school girl would fantasise about.
we were talking about how i would crush on this guy and she would on the other.
and they would happen to be best friends like us, and that they were crushing on us too. (:
and then we realise that our two groupmates happen to be best friends and i happen to use to have a crush on one of them and now Raychel, on the other.
but like i do not want that to happen cause like i totally have no interest in guys at this point of time. no idea why, but i'm definitely not gay!

i want someone like baby face who is a pure gentleman. nope he's not a sissy.
also, some one who can dazzle me like Edward Cullen.
if only there was a two-in-one just for me.
but honestly, i feel that relationships are kinda retarded.
how you tell people you really love this guy, and breaking up the next?
not being able to stay as friends cause it's awkward?
how people talk about who is right and who is wrong?
honestly, it's damn retarded.

i like the crushing part.
after you're together, it's just different.

if i continue to crush on a storybook character, i may end up in an asylum. ~but how not to when he's everthing you ever wanted?

i guess i'll go study now.
social studies is kinda interesting afterall.
Sri lanka and Northern Ireland. - cool uh!

2008-07-22T21:38:00.000+08:00

i'm not feeling so good now.
down with a cough?
haha, sad case i swear.

):

JEROME is performing this friday/saturday.
i wanna go support him, but i may not be able to. ):
but i wanna!
i wanna
i wanna

2008-07-19T14:59:00.000+08:00

WOW!,

a psychic tells me that if i follow the right path and if i receive the required education, i will definitely be in the doctors' profession, something i thought i wasn't good enough to be.
she said i was smart and pretty. hahaha.
i love the last part. duh. haha (:
but she also said that my grandfather will not live through December.
why is my family so complicating?
now, all the people i love except my dad, is involved in this thing.
why?

2008-07-18T19:30:00.000+08:00

Please give me more time with him.

i skipped training with raychel to go visit my grandparents.
my grandfather is uber thin. OMG.
he's practically skin and bones. and it's not a joke.
kim says he may go anytime.
and that made me feel guilty for not spending enough time with him.
he keeps asking to see my brother.
so i've decided to risk it, knowing that my dad won't be happy, but he'll at least get to see darryl. at least before he finally closes his eyes.
lord, please give more time.
if only there's a way i can like help.
maybe if i stay over, i might be able to help them with their chores and everything.
if only i could.
please lord, please don't take him now.
please let him stay, at least until my aunt gets to see him.
please?

2008-07-16T20:39:00.000+08:00

will you be here now that i need you?
~baby can i hold you tonight?
Logarithm and trigonometry?
it's annoying!
i honestly don't get the whole log concept thingy thingy.
and there's a test tomorrow, like shit?
help help help. i neeeeeeeed a tutor.
HELP please? anybody?

our little study session today was by far the most productive one ever.
i mean honestly, this is my first time actually studying.
church is a good place to study at. (:
~if only we did this before.

i really should stop going to your friendster profile.
every time i do, my heart still kinda ache.
it's really retarded to still feel this way huh?~

if only Edward Cullen was real,
i would fall Oh so deeply in love with him.
if only ..

If only i knew which hospital my grand daddy is in.
i would like, go visit him now.
i wonder how is he feeling now; still in pain?
i don't mind taking half of the cancer.
i don't mind taking the pain for him.
i don't mind doing anything now for as long as he lives.
please don't take him away now?
please? please? please? please? please? please? please? please?
Please OH Please?
but then again, saying this is just too selfish of me.
~maybe if you were here, things would be much much better?

i really hate feeling this way.
it sucks i swear.
a hug would be much appreciated now.

i forgive you,
i love you,
you are mine,
take my hand,
go in peace,
sin no more; beloved one.

2008-07-15T17:40:00.000+08:00

You make me smile (:

chocolates are my bestestest friend now.

and the chocolate above is just the coolest of the coolest chocolates i've ever eaten.

cause mine had popping candy!

it was so coooool!!

it's kinda sad.

''go for it'' and look what happens now.

2008-07-13T18:21:00.000+08:00

Please don't take him away from me; at least not now.

my phone rang loudly next to my ear at like 3 plus in the morning. it was my aunt from the states.
and she broke the news to us.
~ my grandfather has got stomach cancer.
like, i really really feel like crying my heart out. like literally.
what's life gonna be without him?
i really don't know what I'll do if he does ~
i'm really really sad.
and like, i don't understand why is there such evil people in the world.
like, your OWN family and you do such a thing?!
what the hell? i really don't understand.
why why why why why why why why why?
it really no fair. why do i have to have such a family?
why?!

and i feel like, damn guilty!
my grandfather is there,sick while i'm here feeling all happy talking to someone.
like, i still can enjoy myself even when i know my grandfather is like,yeah !
what kind of a person am i?
and what i did yesterday was like DAMN obvious.
and that's not good cause you're not suppose to know who i like; but i guess you do now.

so we went to compass point and got a dress.
met Amber and sat at Starbucks and like yeah, chilled.
we had a great! chat.
like 3 hours long?
haha and if Marie didn't say she needed to go to the loo, i bet both amber and i would be like controlling over there. hahaha
And Amber is like super funny.
haha
and now that i know her better, i think she's really nice.
(:
amber, will you go with me to Shaun Paul's gig next sat?
please?

haha.
wooo..
what should i get for you on your birthday?
shall i make muffins?
shall i buy dino chocolates?
shall i bake a cake?
or shall i just wrap myself up and give you it?
hahaha no luh, that was just a big big joke.
haha
also, i think i'm like the smartest kid.
i finally know how to go to st.
like wow.
haha.

had fun talking to you(:
i think i'm falling for you; i just hope i don't hurt myself.
hahaha. get it?

omg, i keep laughing at my own jokes like, wth. hahaha

2008-07-09T21:39:00.000+08:00

MONITOR CAMP?!
omg, like help me.

i kinda need alot alot of help.
but like only i can help myself but, i don't know how to.
WILL YOU HELP ME?

marie, go for the thingy.
please please please?
if you're not going then i'm not going.
haha.

2008-07-08T15:31:00.000+08:00

haha, marie drew this. cool huh?
haha. it kinda cute

somehow the world ain't a fair place.
and yes it ain't fair to you.
but why let guys get in the way of our friendship?
i mean, aren't we the 3 little pigs? haha
i'm the smart one of course. (:
so let's put the guys away and like mend our broken friendship first alright? (:

somehow, let's not let history repeat itself again alright? (:
alrighty then.

today was the worst day of the week? haha
i caught the sniffles and like yeah, i'm sick.
i may not be going to school tomorrow. (i wish)
i've got some hta thing tomorrow and if i don't go, then i won't be able to change my uniform. now that's unfair!haha.

i guess we were all just thinking tooo much!
honestly, i feel it'll never happen.
and obviously, i hope it'll never happen too.
i hate history haha so let's not let history repeat itself again alright? (:
it's starting to grow. i'll result to cutting the roots if that's the way to stop it.
i will. and i have to.
i do not want to see you hurt again.
i would totally be a bitch if i ever did that to you ever again. seriously.
so yeah, let's not think too much. perhaps, muffin spca only needed to talk to someone about his problems and not, you know.
yeah, so let's not jump to conclusions.
even though it seems that way, LET'S NOT!

sometimes, i really wonder why some people wants soo much attention.
like, what can they get? (attention duh!)
haha! what the toot.

and! omg, if muffin spca knows who i use to like, that means He will know that i use to like him?!
since they're like best friends and all.
omg, shit! this sucks.
AHAHA! muffin spca!!
haha. omg so lame.
yeap, he IS very very lame! and cool!
purple looks good on you, not that you're gay or anything. haha
if i said your name, i might just be hated for the rest of my life.
so let's keep it a secret! SsHHHHHH!(:

omg there's like soooo much i wanna blog but i feel restricted to. ):
there's sooo much i wanna tell you but i can't. ):

2008-07-06T18:35:00.000+08:00

The fun fair was fun.
sorta.
but i still didn't get to dunk Joachim!
no fair man!
haha

i thought you were nice and that we were the ones who was to be blamed but,
now, i understand what they mean.
Even my mum don't use such a tone on me and you, only a few years my senior, uses it on me and expecting me to do as you please?
FORGET IT!
''do this NOW, NOW!'' or '' go there NOW!"
like wtf?
who do you think you are?
even if you were my senior, it gives you no right to use that tone on anyone for that matter.
annoying annoying!

i'm like so interested in Stephanie Myers' books!
they're damn nice.
i bought book 2
even thought i know that i will one day lose interest in it.
haha
i just felt like collecting books(:

EDWARD CULLEN ~ hot!!

2008-07-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

i so finished the book.
it's kinda thick but i actually managed to finish it in less than a day?
woah!
and
EDWARD CULLEN is damn hot.
although i can't actually see him, but i can imagin him to be the most perfect guy ever.
if only he was real and i was Bella. omg.
my life would be like, damn beautiful!
i seriously can't stand how hot he is.
i've finished reading the book; and it feels like there's no meaning in life?
haha.
that's super dumb, but that's how i feel.
so yeah.
i wanna read the other books!

I want a boyfriend by the name Edward (:
(not cecilia though)
haha :D

2008-07-03T18:49:00.000+08:00

i was feeling really happy today; as though i were to win $30, 000. haha
Mr vicknesh's class is way way interesting than miss christine.
and guess what? i found out i'm a sinhalese :D
after so many years, i've finally found out what i am. haha
so today, i got a msg.
and yeah. i got a msg.
though i was high for awhile, but i felt the same after a few hours.
so, not much difference.
i just wanna know how did you know i thought you liked this person?
someone must have told you it.
and since i'm almost over it, it will not bother me anymore.
this sucks!

2008-07-02T19:14:00.000+08:00

if only we could relive yesterday.
now is the bestest time to run into your arms.
i guess i've just gotta be strong now that i'm all on my own.

i hope what i said before would not come ture.
but i hope that you'll take away my ability to love; so i will never have to feel this way again.

2008-07-02T18:12:00.000+08:00

you're kinda right.
having the gift of knowledge may not be a blessing.
sometimes knowing too much hurts.
and yes it hurts a lot.
but i think it's stupid to feel this way for someone.
first, you feel happy just at one look and then, sad the next cause you find out he likes someone else.
it's kinda hopeless don't you think?
even if that person does like you back.
the very most, 2 months together.
and then? back to your old life.
denise and nicholas are still together after a year.
haha, they might even get married some day.
that's kinda cool.

i was like a retard on monday.
haha, i was praying to god for the gift of sight.
but when i removed my scapular and when i was all alone in my room,
i started praying to him again, that he doesn't grant my wish.
i was too scared.
my room is just too eriee.
it was and still is.

i kinda miss those days.
when you were there beside me.
it's been so long but, .. forget it.

i'm kinda happy that they postponed the farewell night.
cause it ain't gonna be a nice ceremony to attend with your bast friend who isn't gonna pass out with you.

it've got lots to say about amanda wong but i've got no mood to type today.
maybe tomorrow.
haha she's damn retarded.

2008-06-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

shit!
omg, i'm so gonna get it from pamela gay tomorrow.
shit!!!
die die die die die die die die die die.
HOW?
omg

2008-06-22T18:04:00.000+08:00

this is damn confusing.
it's also super irritating cause i don't like to be kept in suspense.
yeap, damn annoying.

this is my guess:
PC told me that she heard from someone that there is someone that likes me.
she gave me 4 people.
Edwin, Lennard,Dylan and S.paul
she gave me hints but it's like only after pestering her for the whole day.
Lennard is out. cause if it was him and anastasia knew about it, she most probably would not talk to me but still does.
Edwin is out cause he likes someone else.
so it's left with that two.
i was like thinking and thinking on the bus and i came to a conclusion.
PC told me that the person who (whatever) me 's bestfriend told her.
and that person told me that he was the one who told PC about it.
Dylan is not close to that person while the other one is.so it's like yeah
well that's one possibility.
the other one is it could be the 3rd one.
cause amanda keeps telling me that she knows who dylan likes.
BUT then again it can't be s.paul cause, he can't possibly like me.
to me,it's just impossible that he would like me so yeah.
that's why this thing is so confusing.
and PC tells me to, '' wait for that person to confess to you''
like wth.

i don't think i like that person anymore.
it's like, what's with the ignoring thing?
damn annoying i swear.
and there's just no heart pounding feeling when i'm near him.
it was a mistake to let anyone know about the me still liking him thing.

what's annoying is when your friends wanna say something that you can't know and they start msging each other infront of you somemore.
though i was really really pissed, i just had to fake a smile and pretend everything's alright.
it's like, i can't do anything anyway.

i think i like this person but i'm afraid to like that person.
i don't know why either.

and school starts like freaking tomorrow?
wth.
i'm just not in the mood for studying now. nope.
duh? who is? it's right after the holidays luh.

2008-06-15T18:19:00.001+08:00

i've just returned from camp and i've got alot to say!!

on the first day:
we arrived at the campsite. and it was so gross.
there were leaves and big red ants everywhere!
yuck right?
anyway, took the same bus as him(:
so we were given our bed sheets and pillow cases and then proceeded to our dorms.
it was ok just that i got the ulu bed.
so we shifted and to the comfortably of sleeping next to Cecilia(:
so we went down for sessions and i swear, it was very boring.
the previous camp was way fun-ner.

the first activity was games.
it was like a telematch.
the first person had to bite the spoon with an egg on it to the 1st chair
at the 2nd chair, we had to find some sweet that was buried in flour.
we had flour all over our faces!
at the 3rd chair, we had to transfer water into this container that had a ping pong ball in it. and the group to fill the container to the brim was the winner.
unfortunately my group, love, didn't win.
we broke like 2 eggs. it was totally gross.
took a bath and had sessions after that.

so we had alot of sessions that involved tears.
yeap. we were either touched by the holy spirit or some other reasons.
for the first day, the sessions were pretty boring.
but as for the second day, i really felt the Holy spirit.

this group from Christ the king church came to facilitate the session.
we had loads of praise and worships! i enjoyed all of them(:
i cried alot for the sessions.
they were there to heal us. they told us to let go of the problems.
to just give it to Jesus. and we did and most of us cried. like alot!
we went for confession and for me, it was father Paul goh.
he had alot to say. haha
i told him my sins and he asked questions like, did you do your homework?
haha and that was under some really bad sin.
after all that, we bathed, duh and went to bed.

on the 3 rd day, this sessions is one i will never forget.
and that is why i'm typing it all down now. (:
they made us to lift our hands up to God.
to allow him in and to forget all our problems.
we stood for quite some time before they came to pray over us.
Marie was crying and others too. but i didn't feel anything.
in fact i was forcing myself to feel something.
yeap.
so when they first came to pray over me, again, i didn't feel anything.
so i stood up again to be prayed over for the second time.
and this time, the guy asked me,
guy: do you want to encounter the Holy Spirit?
me: yes
guy: close your eyes and let god in.
and i ''fainted''
i swear, that was so so touching.
it was the best i've ever felt!
BUT! James, who also ''fainted'', foot was in my face and i thought it was a chair!
wth!
and i tried to get up but i couldn't.
it was hard to open my eyes too.
so i decided to just lay there, with James' foot in my face, and embrace that moment.
IT WAS DAMN BEAUTIFUL!!
i really can't express myself in words.
and the minute i got up, i cried.
i felt as though there was something stuck at my chest and it was so hard to breathe!
and there i knew it was the Holy Spirit.
i will never forget this moment!

and at 10.47pm on the 14th june 2008, i have made a choice that would last for a life time. i chose God. and He will be with me till the end of time.

one of my facil had the gift of vision and she said,
that Jesus came to each and every one of us. and as he left, a guardian angel appeared behind us.
and around us was a golden circle and something which seemed to be the devil tried coming in.
but every time he took a step into the circle, a wall would rise up, stopping it from coming in.

and when she finish saying that, i shed tears. cause i felt so loved by God.
'For God so loved the world that he gave us His only Son"

i really love this camp!
and i got pictures(:
haha
i'm happy.
woohoo!!

i'll post more soon(:
with pictures(:

2008-06-11T10:41:00.000+08:00

OH! and thanks to the BAR BE CUE,
i gained weight!
it's like weeks of ''suffering'' totally went down the DRAIN!!!
i'm not happy about gaining weight.
nope, not one bit!

my dad tells me to go and bath with salt and vinegar later because i might have brought ''something'' back. (Whoo~ )
well i feel eerie too so i'm gonna do it
:D

Confi camp is like so around the corner and just take a look at my HAPPY FACE(:
*smiles smiles

i'm totally annoying my brother now.
:D
that's a job WELL DONE (:
haha

2008-06-11T09:50:00.000+08:00

yay
np chalet was fun.
yeap(:
we were SOO close to the Old Changi Hospital.
well, i was really looking forward to going in to take a look.
unfortunately, some of my friends had their --- so we didn't go in.
sad.
but at least the day didn't just end with a barbecue.
we went 0ut to cheers at 1 plus in the morning.
our main reason for going out that late was to go see transvestites.
like omg?!
some of them are prettier than me?
haha
they were way taller than me too.

anyway, as we were walking back to the chalet, we passed by this house.
and at the window, there sat a man. an OLD man.
i kinda took a glance at him and turned away.
duh, who isn't afraid?
and i'm very freaked by the ''OLD'' ghost.
Raychel saw it too and told me to look.
i kinda lost my temper because she talked about it.
well I'll lose my temper too if my siblings would to say that at 1plus in the morning at changi.
yeap.
sorry about that aye BESTfriend?

:D

at the beach while picking up rubbish( for cip), i stumbled upon some interesting things.
first, i found a dead, decaying fish. i wanted to take a closer look at it but that would mean that I'll have to stick my leg into the water that had '' decaying fish stuff'
haha. well yeah, BESTfriend and i only managed to look at it from a distance.
the next thing i found was an urn.
omg, i like didn't think that it was one until my junior told me.
i even wanted to borrow gloves to take it out?!
like seriously, OMG imagine if i did that?
ew.. or woo scary.
i also found this heart-shaped carved wood.
it had some weird writings on it and being afraid that it might be some curse of whatsoever, i left it.
and it was a smart move(:

oh and on the second day, we cleaned the chalet.
i swear it was so dirty, once i started i couldn't stop!
you should have seen the hair and dirt left behind by the other.
totally gross.
i mean, after you finish bathing right, will it hurt to just throw some water to ''flush'' down your own hair and dirt so the next person to use it will not feel so grossed out?
and the toilets,woah!
some people DIDN'T FLUSH!
the toilets totally stank-ed!!
grossness.
i totally did not enjoy the sleeping part mainly because my nose was dripping!
it totally sucked.
and only after suffering for about 4 hours without sleep, and taking a clarinase pill did i managed to fall asleep. and to find myself being woken up by the noise my juniors made.
did i mentioned i was sleeping on the cold cold floor?
one side of my body is so stiff i can hardly move.
seriously! it's hurt like, ALOT.

so basically, i had fun.
i smelled nice after taking my bath after the barbecue. *(like duh)
but it was because i used " JOHNSON's KIDS head to toe" shampoo.
:D

MY SOAP SMELLS SO NICE(:

i kinda irritated my friends by repeating that sentance over and over again everytime i went to shower(:

these are taken and edited by ivyLEE (:

OMG! he commented me(: haha yay.

2008-06-07T00:59:00.000+08:00

i'm happy to see that things are going on well for most people. (:
fine luh. BESTfriends' *** added her on msn while mine isn't online when i am.
he's in Bali. ):
if i take things too seriously and the worst happens?
then I'll feel more ---
sigh.
love is so complicated.
my life is like some drama series
and this is the episode whereby i'm confused of my feelings for someone.
haha LAME.

i shall blog about me feeling happy instead of, yeah
anyway, i burned some fats!
yay! yay! yay!
i think that i shouldn't complain that i'm living in some retarded little red dot .
cause there's no earthquake and cyclone and stuff like that.
but i still don't like the govt.

i don;t think i can sleep now.
i just watched this Indonesian ghost show.
though the acting was stupid, the ghost was hell frightening!
it got me screaming!
haha
i don't dare to sleep now.
the show showed her on the wall.
what if i..
AH!
i'm not gonna sleep tonight i swear!
or i'm gonna drag my sister in the room with me.
i'm such a chicken.
but this is nothing compared to the exorcist.
if i were to see ''her'' face again, i think I'll take another 3 years to get over it.
you see! that's how scary it is!
yeap.

i think i'm gonna go sleep now.
gotta get my beauty Zzs
:D

how did you find out?
but i think you should just concentrate more on amber alright?

2008-06-06T18:54:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna bring colour back into my blog :D
it honestly needs, alot alot of colours!

:D

i hope you're having fun.
well duh, who goes over seas and not have fun? haha

bestfriend, i hope we can, for the second time, star gaze together (:
so obviously i'm hoping that you'll stay over for the class chalet too.
we could go have fun on our own and go back.
or, if you have anyone in mind, we could go stay over at someones house.
i'll just tell my parents that i stayed over at the chalet.
doesn't it sound like a great plan? :D
then it'll be our very first time having a sleep over.
shall we have a pajama party?
oh wait! i don't wear pjs.
(drats)

2008-06-06T15:52:00.001+08:00

i am so freaking bored!

my life sucks!

OMg?!

it's so so so so boring!!

i'm rotting at home like some rotting cheese!

one minute, everything seems so perfect

and the next, it seems like every thing's falling apart.

what is going on?

did i do something wrong to deserve this?

i can't see my grandparents.

i can't see my cousins.

i also can't see the guy i'm crushin' on. (Bali is no where near here that's for sure)

sigh.

AND I'M ROTTING AT HOME ! (of all place)

I'll live. ( i have to)

just a few more days to my camps and chalet.

cool.

no more staying at home.

the guy on the left is the kind montfort guy that helped us carry the heavy load.

such a gentleman!

haha.

''what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger''

there's a few strands of my hair that is so light it looks golden.

but no white hair! (thank god)

i'm so jumping from point to point.

no wonder i don't score high marks for my compo.

tst tsk.

god!

i'm gonna go rot some more!

it's not a must to like anyone. yeap, i know that.

mummy keeps telling me not to get myself involved in anymore relationships.

but amazingly she was ok with my first.

but like i said, guys will be guys.

sigh, if only there was someone who was like him, but only in the beginning. i don't want the ending.

i kinda feel afraid that if i like Dylan, people might say stuff.

though i can chose to ignore it but if i was in his position, i wouldn't like that feeling.

some may also think that i'm using him to forget Gabriel.

but this i can promise that it's not.

he's long gone from my heart.

but if i was Dylan, i would have given up hope long long ago.

which means i ruined my chances. ):

i should have followed my heart in the beginning.

i was dumb to say yes to it when i felt a connection between us.

as for now, the hope of you liking me is probably so slim it can't be seen. ):

since you can gossip with your friends and bad mouth about me, i'm sure you won't hesitate to tell Dylan that either.

sigh.

it seems as though i'm fated not to have any guy friends. (other than some people)

it's like, some 'spark' will be present. and then it'll kinda ruin our friendship when i do not accept it.

first was some css guy now, ...

sigh sigh sigh.

I'll wait for camp.

if it doesn't work out, then that's the day i'm over likings guys from church.

(not that i'm negative but it'll ruin my ''reputation'' )

if only it could be a happily ever after.

2008-06-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

omg
i was afraid this would happen.
and now that it did, what am i to do?
omg.
bestFRIEND, help.
my hands are cold now.
help help help me!

i don't like to feel rejected so i usually just give in but this time it's different.
i can't just give in.
i can't lie about my feelings.
and i won't.
not anymore. i did it once and i learned my lesson.
no more shall it happen again.
HELP?!
i'll go find cupid and talk to him.
maybe he's got some advise that might help(:

ooh! at the same time, my legs are burning cause i've just applied the cream.
it's burning( literally)
but since it works, i don't mind the pain.
hey what'd they say, no pain no gain.
:D

WHERE OH WHERE IS CUPID?
(sleeping i guess)

and this is starting to get awkward.
hey! some junior copied my toodles!
haha

omg!
raychel is still not at home?!
i needa talk to her.
will the bus like drive faster?
gosh.

2008-05-31T21:58:00.000+08:00

i went to church just now to clean the ava room.
it's like OMG!?
5 years of dirt and dust and did i mention cobwebs?
like seriously?
ooh.. we were scrubbing the walls and i think i put a little too much force and the paint kinda came out with it.
haha

tomorrow is Sunday.
we're going to Silra home tomorrow.
which means we'll be free from 10-12pm.
which means that it'll happen again.
you making me feel unimportant will happen all over again.
sigh.
this time, i'm not gonna let it get to me.
what goes around comes around, so if you're doing that on purpose, i wish you good luck.
and to ensure that it'll not happen again, i'm gonna bring things to entertain me.
things like.. erm..
maybe my ''To kill A Mocking Bird'' book?
yeap i shall bring that cause i've not yet completed the chapter.

i'll need to seek help for the one Above.
i'll ask him to give me comfort.
i'll ask him to give me peace and that i will not take my anger out on anyone.
i'll ask him to dry my tears so that i will not shed a tear in front of anyone.
last but not least, i'm gonna wear a smile on my face.
no matter how fake it'll look, i'll do it.

then Amanda is gonna make me walk with her to the shell station to buy the sausage and her milk and we'll most probably walk back again cause Amanda wants to buy another sausage.
haha

after all this shit, i realise i'm getting closer to my mummy.
i think she's pretty understanding after all.
she gives great advices.
same are lame but others are pretty much useful.
like when she said not to get into a relationship, i shouldve listened.
yeap. i regret it now.

i wanna go visit my grandparents but it seems almost impossible.
my family is soo complicated.
i don't understand why i can't have a family that doesn't quarrel everyday.
or a family who disowns each other.
):

so much for my happy life.

why can't i have a life like Denise tan?
she's got a seemingly perfect life.
her grades are not bad.
her first boyfriend and they're like together for almost 9 months now.
her life seems so perfect.
and then compare mine with hers?
gosh i'm no where near it.

omg my life sucks!

and BF, now you know how i felt when i was crazy over him?
you really like the guy but at the same time to try not to show cause you're afraid people will say that you're desperate and all.
well you're not.
it's normal for you to feel that way.
don't give a damn to what others say about him cause different people have different 'taste'
anyway, thanks for being there when my tears refuse to stop.
thanks for being there to cheer me up by telling my all your lame lame jokes.
haha
you're the best.
and yeah.. stand by for tomorrow, cause i doubt i'm that strong.

2008-05-30T10:48:00.000+08:00

so we went to HTA for courses for the past two days.
and i think our school is very, ..we've got no standard!
when we were marching, the other schools only needed one person to say the timing while we needed the whole of 25 people just so that we can hear ourselves.
that's how soft we are.
and our foot drills totally suck.
crescent girls and holy highs' foot drills were like woah!?

on the first day, we were sitting at the fourth row and in front of us was my primary school friend.
my BF is totally crushing on him now. haha
for lunch, it's my FIRST time to ever finish the ''NP'' food.
i guess it's cause i didn't eat yesterdays' breakfast and dinner. yeap that must be why.

and for the second day, this dumb pig CI told us to move to the front.
and we sat at the VERY front.
wth.
do they not know how uncomfortable it is to sit with our np skirt?
you can't sit this way, or that way.
you can't cross your legs..
so annoying.

i guess that's about it.
my motto shall be ''To every action there is an opposite and equal reaction''
sounds physicsy
ha.

i can't seem to upload any of my pictures.
no fair.
and BF is very perverted i swear!
she takes pictures of me.
i know why, cause she misses not seeing me the whole day.
that's why she needs my pictures(:
but if you dare put those retarded pictures on your blog or even friendster,
RAYCHEL TAN JIA YI i swear i'll put yours too. haha

i'm getting tired of listening to this song
but i'm gonna listen to it until one day it gets better.
until one day when i can smile freely again.

2008-05-30T09:12:00.000+08:00

NP can be pretty fun, sometimes.
yesterday, we went to HTA for some stupid course that lasted for 6 hours?!
but our area wasn't the only one attending the course. (that's the good part)
there was a pretty cute guy from st. pat's.
and another one from some other school.
yeapyeap.
but they're all not in our area.
sad.
Ooh! i saw Shannon(not sure of spelling)
but yeah i waved to him a couple of times before he waved back.
he's shy.
haha

and yesterday was also super embarrassing!
some of my school girls went to ask for the st. pat's guys' e-mail/ number and got rejected?!
but that's not the point.
the point is that we're now seen as some desperate girls school?
Wth.
so embarrassing. she got rejected some more.
i hope this batch of people go for the course in Deyi sec.
ok to be more exact, i want HIHS to go so that i can wave to that guy again(:

next topic.
i think crying it out helps.
it sure did help me a whole lot.
but you know, it's kinda retarded to cry only after 1 month.
i cried like it was the end of the world?
and i didn't when it happened on that day.
and if you like Marie, i most probably would see it as what goes around comes around.
what i did to Amanda in the past seems to be happening to me.
well i guess i deserved it for not making the right choice.
and this Sunday is gonna be like last Sunday.
how you are so good at making someone feel soo unimportant.
yeap you're good at that.

but it'll all get better in time.

2008-05-25T15:33:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.
i should not take it out on you.
it's not even your fault.
but please stop asking me those questions cause you're giving me FALSE hope.

to think of it, if i hadn't started anything, all this wouldn't even happen.
and i wouldn't feel the way i feel now, or yesterday.
forget it.
why should i let it bother me?
is he that worth it?
what's the point?
if only all these thoughts actually work.
it's no point if it works only sometimes and doesn't in church.
i think that's the most important place it should work.
what goes around comes around.
i guess i'm getting back what i did to the other guy.
and maybe i feel this way because i'm not satisfied?
idk. something like that.
it's almost like i wasted my first kiss kinda feeling?
yeap. something like that.

i think it'll be great if i had an older sibling i can complain to.
my two siblings will never understand.
friends?
who's actually there to listen to my repeated crap?
my mum?
she's great at ''listening''
what goes in, comes out from the other side.

i wanna go to a place where there are pretty flowers and a nice weather.
peace and quietness.
where everything seems perfect.
but i guess i gotta keep dreaming cause somehow that ain't gonna happen.

and i can't stand how everything seems like a routine.
it's like every Sunday, i'll take the 8.17 bus and this mother and daughter will always be on it.
then we'll stop at the hiding place where they will switch to 86 will i switch to 103.
and at my 103 bus stop, i'll always see this old guy with this lady.
the guy will then cross the road and board bus 163
while the lady board 86.

you see!
i can remember all this because it's been happening over and over again every Sunday?!
routine much?

i guess we really can't judge someone by the way they look.
clement gives really good advices.
woah. i'm actually shocked.
he's a nice kid(:

and, i'm gonna agree with what you said just now.
that boys are a waste of time and that they are not worth it.
i'm not gonna say i can't live without you cause hey, i've been living for 14 years without you and i'm high and alive.

i'll continue later

2008-05-24T17:51:00.000+08:00

i was suppose to sleep in until about 11 but i woke up at 8 instead.
...

i think i would be able to finish reading the bible at the end of the holidays.
not that i want to but i've got soo much time that it can be made possible.

would someone just pick me up,
wrap me &
ship me to Charlie's CHOCOLATE factory?
PLEASE??

i'm oh so tempted to take a bite of that milky chocolate...
Mmm..

ooh great..
we're gonna go clean the beach Again.
woah.. sounds really ''fun'' huh?
hey! maybe we'll find a dead fish head again.
haha
that was really gross.
i still can remember the smell. (grossness)

MARIE DURRAY paik choo is a PIG!
(:

if only i had doctor Phil around.
maybe he could solve my problems.

i wanna go explore the old changi hospital.
but i've got a BestFriend who is a chicken.
and..
what if i get possessed?
OMgawd!
that'll be cool BUT i don't wanna try it(:

MARIE SAYS SHE CAN READ MY MIND.
haha.

anyway back to my topic of boredomness.
whoops i can't cause my time is up. ):
so raychel, i'm not able to write anything about you.
but i will next time(:

2008-05-23T12:24:00.001+08:00

I WANNA EAT CHOCOLATES REAL BADLY!!
but i can't.
cause i'm on a diet!

i'm suppose to go collect my report book
but i'm too scared to go.
in total, i failed 4 out of 7 subjects.
how stupid can i get?
i've never failed so many before. ):
if crying can help me pass, then i think the there'll be a tsunami part 2.
haha.

i think Mrs Goh is super UNREASONABLE!
after our dumb rehearsal, joleen and i bumped into her while making our way down to the store.
we greeted her.
and confiscated the rubik's cube.
she told me to get it from her after school but i totally forgot about it.
so yesterday, i went to her and ask for the cube and she said she was not gonna return it to me.
i explained that it's not mine and she said that wasn't her prooblem.
wtF?
she said i was playing with it during training and that her confiscating it was a must.
screw her man! i wasn't even playing with the bloody cube.

and talking about ma'ams,
i think Joyce teo is not cut out for the position of sec one teacher officer.
she is too kind.
the sec 1s are practically climbing over her head.
she is not at all strick towards them.
they gave excuses like:
belt to tight,
boots to big,
skirt too small.
then why the hell did we ask YOU to place the order according to YOUR size?
i don't remember my squad giving so much crap 2 years ago.
even the sec 2s are way better.
and instead of telling them to exchange with their friends or find some other solution,
joyce teo tells them that they do not need to use their full u.
then can you tell me what is the significance of the NPCC swearing in ceremony if everyone just wore their school uniforms?
stupid shit excuses.
i can't stand it.
but wait, i'm not the training coordinater so i can't say anything.
besides, since it's not my problem, i'm not gonna bother about it anymore.

My tummy is grumbling.
i can almost hear it say,'' feed me feed me''
haha!

2008-05-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

today's mass was horrendous.
the choir was terrible.
you see!
if i had joined, it wouldn't sound so bad. (haha)

after school ended, we had a leadership workshop thingy with miss CHOW?!
OMG i almost died in there!

then we went to the wake.
so we met up with Francis and Judith.
and we talked and laughed and yeah..
then when we were going home, the bus uncle jammed my hands.
he closed the door on me):
that was the saddest and most embarrassing thing that ever happened.
well it's not the first on my ''most embarrassing moments'' list but i guess i can rank the second.
yeap.

memory of my past haunts me every now and then.
maybe if i play dodge ball and someone throw the ball real hard on my head and i suffer a concussion. maybe i might forget the stuff i don't wanna remember.
or i might just die.

i am determined to lose at least er.. (some weight) before camp.
i'm not desperate for relationships or anything so I'll wait.
I'll wait for the day my hot guy drop hints. :D
(god knows when)

why can't we have an exchange programme with a boys school?
haha. that'll be fun.
i wanna go to acs (b)

(:

2008-05-19T17:52:00.000+08:00

Amanda and i ''explored'' mimosa park.
and we walked under the sun for like almost 45 minutes.
till we finally sat on swings while enjoying our ice-creams(:
mine dripped all over my skirt ):
it was so not cooperating with me!
haha

i'm excited for the up coming consecutive camp s.
that means i wont be home one the
8-10th June and
13-17 june.
that also means i'm gonna be happy for those few days away from home(:
sad but true.
yeap.

it's cool we're just friends (:

i had alot to say.
but i just can't remember.
STM.

2008-05-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

we had games day yesterday.
though i thought i'd miss it but i'm was not gonna be so selfish and leave ophelia all alone.
so i turned up that day(:

i cut my hair.
i specifically told the lady to slightly thin it.
just a little bit
but she endeed up ''shaving'' it
i feel bald now.

today's class was ok.
well what fun can you get?
i think there was eye contact.
or..
maybe i was thinking too much?
haha.

i think i'd better go off to bad now.
church ing tomorrow.

(:

2008-05-14T17:46:00.000+08:00

i seriously feel like a loser..
if only i could turn back time, i would have studied and not let that stupid, not worth it matter worry me.
this is the worst worst year for me.
how could something like this happen?

to be kaisu, i'm gonna studying all my first semester stuff during the june holidays since i don't think my parents would allow me to go anywhere after seeing my horrible terrible results.
who knows, i might not even be allowed to go for confi camp let alone the class chalet.

i had it enough with my brain.
i wanna get a new one!!
how the hell am i gonna get over it if everyday i dream of you?
and then now msg es?
this is bloody annoying.
i know what.
i should just like some random guy. (it might work)
although Dylan was the first on the list, i don't think i can do it.
i mean, think about it.
he might feel like a substitute (like how i did)

and no i do not have feelings for peter wong.
why the hell would you say that?
haha.

sigh..
i feel dumb and unwanted and FAT and dumb and... yeah
if only i had an older sibling then i can complain to him all day long.
or it could be a her?
but then again a him would be nicer(:

2008-05-14T14:34:00.000+08:00

i am a failure!
i think i failed like 5 subjects out of 7?
wth.
i'm so dumb):

i think i'm gonna start studying for my end of year exams like during the june holidays.
yeap.

i've decided to only msg you after i'm really over you.
if not i might like you back all over again.

i think p.Wong is nice.
haha.
i even dreamt of him.
BUT i definately do NOT like him.

Hello Wello!
I am Joleen (: Hehe
and that was the annoying chicken that goes cluck every lessons.

anyway, yeah..
i'm currently doing a stupid survey in school.
and it's like SUPER DUPER annoying!
it's like annoying me like shit!

how do i feel today you ask?
i feel like a loser and a stupid kid who can't get over you.

2008-05-13T18:35:00.000+08:00

guess what?
i've gotta umpire the captain's ball and dodge ball game.
they seriously chose the WRONG person to umpire.

i asked for my mind to be kept busy and my prayers were answered. (not the way i expected)
so today- umpire course(captain's ball)
tomorrow- rehearsal for the cca leader thingy
Thursday- umpire course (dodge ball)
Friday- npcc training
and for the first time, i'm actually looking forward to it

i'm gonna look for the once happy and enthu kid in me.

so today we had NO lessons.
and thank god i was smart enough not to bring any books today.
and we ended up sleeping(:
some were sleeping on the floor. ha ha

20% of me is back.
at least this time, i respond to jokes.
at least i don't look like a walking zombie
but seriously woman.
open your stupid eyes and see that it's over!

i think i made a fool of myself.
yeap

whatever.
what's gone is gone.
don't bother.

i'm just looking forward to the class chalet and confi camp(:
looking most forward to talk to joel! [:

2008-05-12T17:30:00.000+08:00

the saddest thing i had to do this morning was to cut my nails):
i just filed it yesterday and had to shave it bald today.
wtH.

checked our papers today.
English and Chinese.
i passed English- duh?
but as for Chinese, i failed paper 1 section 1 by 1 mark and paper 2 by 3 marks!
how annoying.
if only i've gotten another answer correct in paper 2, i would have just passed.
damn.

then they asked the student body for feedback
and my group suggested that,
-more toilet paper should be provided
-the plants in the toilet to be removed. ( it's seriously damn creepy)
-Air Freshener to be used ( loads of it)
-more variety of food
these are the more irrelevant ones:
-more flowers to be planted
-to come to school at 8.30 everyday
-paint our own classrooms .
yeah..

hmm.. also we had to sit in the stupid gym for more than like 5 hours (i think, didn't count)
but like HELLO?
the gym was freaking hot and i almost died of heat stroke.
well the good thing is, I'M STILL ALIVE (:
but i fell asleep like alotta times. yeap.

it's either i'm allergic to whatever i ate yesterday OR it was because i scratched my rash and it spread to the other part of my body.
i had rashes on my face, leg and arms and i swear, it was ANNOYING!
i thought i could skip school today.
turns out, i got better and have no excuse. ):
but i can predict that i will get rashes on the day of the game.
i hate playing those games and they just had to put my name in.
since st. emilie is already a goner, i don't see how my not appearing can affect it.
or whatever.
yeap, i'm a bad vice-captain.
but seriously, even st HELEN beat us.
that shows we're really really bad.

this name sounds kinda nice
DYLANA.
but i guess i wouldn't use it cause it's like dylan with an A at the back.
and no, i don't like that person but people might think i do. which i don't.
so yeah..

I've got so much to tell you.
but i forgot.
i can't anymore.
even though we can't be together, can we still be friends?

2008-05-11T19:29:00.001+08:00

i was desperate for entertainment and resoted to watching, '' Desperate housewives"
it's pretty interesting.
though it had like alot of gay scenes.

i feel kinda happy.
amanda and i finally got back as friends.
now we're talking like as before.
at the expense of losing you):

2008-05-11T18:32:00.000+08:00

joined MRM today.
actually the truth is, i don't even wanna join a ministry.
and choir?
no way to 9 am.
Amanda wanted the Saturday 6.30 choir and that's a hell no.
no offence.

i didn't know that so many people from my school joined MRM, but didn't turn up.
people like cally,cecilia, kimberly,brigid..
yeah.

this is my blog right?
means I've got the right to say whatever i want.
so if you happen to pass by this blog and do not like what i'm about to say then please close this window and don't bother reading the rest(:

firstly, i would like to rant about this person nicknamed pig.
last year, though many people told me stuff about you, i chose to be friends with you.
but just a question, why do you try soo hard?
you're a nice kid. to me
but because you try so hard, that people dislike being with you.
i'm saying this cause i feel that way.
look, i'm not saying I've never lied before.
my previous lie was something like saving someones butt from getting in trouble?
but it's still a lie.
but you lie to get notice?
and to be like popular and stuff?
well let me tell you something.
from my point of view, you're a nice kid.
and you'll be well liked if you stop trying so hard.
cause, knock knock.
you're so called friends around you are btching about you as well.
so yeah..

i don't like people giving my e-mail address to their friends telling them that i'm available.
wtF?
that's so not nice.
i don't really mind them adding me but i don't want to feel like an item being introduced and people consider if they wanna buy me.
that's really annoying!
i hate people doing that!
AND I AM NOT A BLOODY ITEM!fs

我决定今天放弃。放弃等于不在睡觉之前想你，不在爱你。我想我得把这件事当成一场经验看待

2008-05-10T11:28:00.000+08:00

i thought i could be strong, but i guess not.

went out with Raychel to Pasir Ris Park yesterday.
let's just say we're two 15 year old kids who doesn't want to grow up(:
because of the rain, it was high tide and there was practically no way we could build sand castles.
i didn't dare climb the spider web because.. i just suddenly had fear of falling and getting hurt?
Question: does anyone with the right mind go cycling with skinny jeans?
haha.
anyway, it was boring and so we took the bus and went to AMK hub.
on our way there, i guess i ruined the mood since on the bus till we reached home.
i apologise for that.
i tried to forget about it. but i can't
so i'm really sorry for ruining the outing.
give me some time, and you might see the happy me again.
i hope its soon but no promises.

i had a dream and i went to yahoo and searched for meanings and this was what it said.

first i dreamt that Marie and i went to china for like a school trip or something.
Trip
To dream that you are going on a trip, suggests that you are in need of a change of scenery.� You are feeling overworked and need to take time out for yourself for some fun and relaxation.

then i dreamt that i lost my way to someones' house
Lost
To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.

this is the most wackiest part of the dream. i dreamt i was together with R.L ew!
gross. i guess it's probably because raychel and i were talking about this stuff that i dreamt about it. omg.
Lesbian
To dream that you are a lesbian (but you are not in your waking life), signifies a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and passion. You are comfortable with your sexuality and femininity.
praise the lord it's not something to do with me wanting to become one or becoming one in my ''walking life''
haha.

i dreamt of boo radley, a character from my lit book. weird huh.
Cartoon
This dream serve as an escape from the stressful realities of your life. It is your way of obtaining moments of lightheartedness and fun.

i think the meanings are pretty interesting

2008-05-09T09:44:00.000+08:00

things got complicated and it had to end this way.

it feels weird now that we're not together.
it's weird not to think of you before going to bed.
it's weird not to look at my phone and wait for your msg.
it's also weird that i can't stop talking and thinking about you.
it's like everything anyone say, i don't know how, but it'll link to you.
but I'll HAVE to get use to not doing all these anymore.
it's hard but i gotta try.

it's boring at home!
and I've gotta like do something to keep my mind occupied so i wouldn't think about anything else.
it's running away.
but this way, the pain won't be so intense.
and i'm also not gonna cry anymore. (cause i won't stop)
and plus,

crying = use of tissue = more trees die = global warming = depletion of ozone layer = people die
= I'll die

so.. yeah.
and i realise i'm pretty dramatic.
like once over the same thing, i was crying on my way home and when i got back my dad asked and i lied saying that i didn't think i did well for my SS paper. i somehow cheered up a little, went in the room, closed the door with a smile and when the door was closed, i cried like it was the end of the world.haha
that's funny.

end of sad stuff.

GREEN m&m :
was said to make guys horny. but i don't see how it does.
but for me, after eating them.
no i did not get horny.
i got high.
don't know why but i felt really really high.
it was the same feeling i got when we drank a little too much at the party.

HOLIDAYS:
I'll die if i have to stay home during the holidays.
i swear!
i watched the same series of the Ellen Degeneres show 5 times
some other discovery channel thing
desperate housewives
and some detective show.
wth
i'm dying soon and my mum doesn't allow me to go out.
and honestly, if i don't get out of the house today, you might have to visit me at the loony bin.

sad case huh?

raychel is the best!
she's there when i was up
she's there when i was down
she's there when..
i mean you get it right?
she's there when i'm going through everything i went through.

she gives funny advices and she can be REALLY retarded at times.
and how sad or unhappy i can be, she never fails to cheer me up.

my life is in a mess.
and i'm gonna do something about it!
i think..

2007-02-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

raychel was here (: